This is who we are.

This is who we are.
This is who we want to be.
This is all.

Hello.

We all have masks. We all pretend. We all have secrets. We all hide.
Thats just how it is.
I'd like to just spit it all out. Let everyone judge me, and let them hate.
Each time I try, I stop. And I push them out.
I don't want to be hated.
The ones I love, I try to keep them far away.
The ones I hate, I try to forgive.
I push them away too.
I might remember why I didn't like them.
Be judged.
Be hated.
Be ignored.
Be forgotten.
That is what I want.
Or not what I want, but what is right, and what I deserve.
But I don't want that.
I don't want to be hated.
I will continue to hide.

Hmm...
I don't know.
I can't make any decisions.
What is right?
What is wrong?
Why does it seem so unclear?
When did these lines become so undetectable?
Why are so many people on the wrong side of the lines?
Or are they on the right side?
Why can't I tell?
Or can I?
Do I just not like what I see?
Am I just lying to myself?
Lying like I always do?
No?
Yes?

Hmm. I have no idea what to do. The contrasting colors are all fading to grey and nothing makes sense. It's all just a blur or grey. I want the color back. I want it to define everything like it used to. I don't like the grey.

I feel so damn guilty. I don't wanna face all this things I've done wrong. I don't want these terrible thoughts. I don't want this.

:/ Hmmm... Today I was texting Sunshine about what our parents would do if we ever did drugs. I was like my dad would disown me, but my mom has done some so she can't really do anything. Her parents were like the same. Then we started talking about how we'd never do really bad drugs. She would only ever do pot, and I would only ever do pot and shrooms. Then she was like "Well I would be willing to smoke with you... :) haha" So... yeah... I don't think we will. But someday maybe.... :/

Oh! I have 3 A's now. :) haha I still really need to fix my other grades though.... :/

This is getting long so... Spread the smiles and adios. :D