Keep building up this wall...

... keep me inside, keep you out.

Hi.

So...
Yep.
I like my wall. Don't take it down. Its falling on its own. Please. Please... It's falling. I'm falling.
It's a wall. No one is allowed past. How did you get through? Get out. This is my place. My dark lonely hateful place. Hurry get out.
I keep helping tear down this wall that separates me from everyone. I need to fix it. Cracks are getting bigger. Life is trying to get in. I don't want it. Stay away... Please? My mind, my eyes are used to this blackness, I can see, I can think. Don't let in the light. Then everything changes. Change is not welcome.

Basically, I push people away. Sometimes for their own good, sometimes for my own. Usually because I'm scared. Except lately I'm letting things slip. I'm so scared. There really isn't a reason though. Why am I scared if people know what goes on in my mind? I'm pretty normal, people have heard it all before. I'm not any different.
For years, I have built up this wall. To make myself feel safe. We all build walls. We all get scared when we tear them down... Right? ....

So... I didn't see my best friend today. She had something to do. I've seen her sad... but never in a way where she doesn't look so lost. I've seen her sad, and not want to talk and be quite. But never like this. Never so far away... Its so sad what her friend did... I don't expect her to get over it soon, or ever really... I don't want it to change her though. And it will. I dunno. She knows she has to look past it, and she says she will eventually... I dunno what I'm saying. So... Yeah.

I fucking hate my PE teacher. He is such an asshole. I am dropping that class. I don't care that I still need to take it for a quarter. I will some other way.

:) I'm nice.

Ummmm..........
I don't know what to say.
I'm going insane.
Again.

Gooodbye.
























I didn't forget.

...

Spread the smiles.
:D