Home.

I'm home!
Time differences suck.
I don't like sleeping in the middle of the day...

I have so much to do for school... I don't think I'll have it done.
Eh whatever, it'll be okay.

I'm so tired. Stupid...

I'm glad to be home.
But I wish that it was sweden.
I wish I just had all my friends there and such...
Cuz it's fucking hot here. Which sucks.

I don't really know what to say.
So goodnight.
Spread the smiles.
Take what you need, but don't depend on me.

Fear.

Beneath the surface.

Another layer of dirt to cover the coffin.
Another day to rot.
One less visitor.
Let them walk away.
Let them leave, like all the others.
Push away that dead body.
Get it away.
Bury it.
Hide it.
Say she was loved.
Say she was lovely.
Say she'll be missed.
Truthfully, she was lonely.
Because like in death,
people just came around less and less.
Not that they didn't care,
but she took too much effort.
She had too many problems.
No one could deal with her.
She died lonely and sad.
Because she had given up before life even began.
People kept trying to break through the shells of protection,
but they never made it close.
They each tried to fix her,
but they never saw what the issue was,
and they never thought to ask.
They never saw how simple it was.
But after all, you could blame her, for her loneliness.
You could blame her, for all her issues.
You could blame her, like she does herself.
Even though, deep below all the faces and masks,
she just wanted someone to find the real cause.
Someone who'd look at it through clean eyes,
rather than her own biased ones.
She died lonely and sad,
because she was taught she couldn't ask for help,
she had to stand on her own.
She knew she couldn't do it,
so she didn't want to burden the world.
She couldn't be self sufficient,
so she did what she thought was right,
and took herself from this world.
So no longer would anyone have to give up any part of themselves to help her.
She was lovely, and wonderful.
She was honest, and caring.
She was so many things.
She was almost perfect,
except for one fatal flaw.
But no one ever saw these things.
They never knew how to help her.
So she died lonely and sad,
because she never let anyone hold her hand,
because she was taught that it wasn't okay.

Control your fury, fight the rage.

My brother makes me insane. I swear to god. I know I'm a bitch to him. But god! He has to argue about every little fucking thing!!! It's so irritating.
There's this comercial. For a freaking burger. It's about the extra cheese on it.
And he says "last time it was for pepper!"
And I just say "no... it's for cheese. It's been the same thing all week."
So he's like "no! I promise!"
"Okay, whatever. I don't really care. I think it was about the cheese but you can think what you like."
"I SWEAR!!!"
"Okay. Be quiet now."
"No!"
"Then leave please. I'm trying to watch this..."
"FINE! Bitch!!" And he stands up, furious and kicks me and slams the door.
Jesus fucking christ. He gets so mad over stupid stupid things and doesn't seem to understand that other people are around, and that he's being incredibly rude. It's late and in an apartment. The people below could be sleeping for all he knows!

Meh... Anyways. I just don't understand his fury. It's so completly unreasonable.
I know I am an asshole. But not that much... Am I?
And now I start thinking about it, which is bad because obviously I'll be mean to myself because why the hell else would he react so severly. Why would he hate me so much otherwise? Why would I be such a villian to him if I was remotly nice?

Erg...

I miss my friends so much. I love sweden, but with my brother here, it is not nearly as much of an escape as I need it to be.
I miss them. And school is stressing me out. And bleh.

Someone give me instructions on how to be good enough for everyone?
Hmmm.

Goodnight. Or afternoon I suppose.
Spread the smiles.
I miss you, don't leave me alone..

These zombies keep appearing; lifeless, souless zombies.

Today I got some last few things I want to take home.
Oh, I don't want to go home yet! It's too soon. Though I really wish I was home longer before school starts... Meh. Oh well.
I also went on a walk in the forest and found some lovely little mushrooms.

I don't feel so old. I feel like I belong somewhere else. Not high school.
It's odd.

Also I realized today that I often write about how I'm feeling or something, but rarely explain what brought it on. Hmmm. I guess I could work on that...

I was going to say something else but I seem to have forgotten it....

So. Yepp.

Today my brother got really mad at me. Well I got mad at him first. He doesn't fucking listen adn it's so irritating that he expects me to listen when he doesn't. Bleh. Haha he got mad and stormed back to the house. I kept going to the forest, where we were headed to look for mushrooms. I was so mad, more at myself than him. Yes he's an ass, but I really could be a lot nicer to him... And my mind just kept going to worse places and such.
And this isn't uncommon, I love to beat myself down. Well I don't, but yeah. Haha.
I think my mind is flawed. When I am the one who needs punishment, I must be punished triple the times of the potential pain I have caused. But when it's someone else, I must find I way to forgive them. If I can't, I am again the one at fault.
I don't really know where I'm going with this...

I have been wanting to drink so badly! And I can't get any alcohol here... Well none that won't be noticed if it's gone. And I know if I do, I'll not be very happy with myself... But sometimes I don't really care. Just want what I want, the consquences can be dealt with later.
Which is really STUPID. And I have gotten myself to do some really really really idiotic things. And I still can't forgive myself for many.
It seems I have no self control...
Haha. Jeeez.

Hmmm. So I am bored. Because it's to late to do anything really. And so I am going to just write about random things, that no one cares about!

So, I hate labels. And sterotypes that go with them. So annoying!! God. It's like I could say one thing to someone I know, and they'd stop talking to me. It's like really??? Really, you can't talk to me because of some silly little thing???
Like I know someone who won't talk to me because I don't have a religion. And someone else who doesn't like me, because of the part of the city I live in.
Just because I don't believe, I must be some dark and disturbed person.
Simply because I live in a fairly rich area, I must be a snob.
Because I like art, I must be a stoner.
Because I'm shy and quiet, I must be sad and lonely.
Because I have lesbian firends, I must be too.
Ah such stupid little things. So dumb! Talk to me, get to know me. Then you can say whatever the hell you think. But god, don't judge me on who I talk to, or how I do in school, or where I live, or what I believe.

Haha. What else. Hmmm... I have to many things to bring home... My bad is over the weight. I think...
4 whole days left here! I don't wanna go! No no no!
But I do... and I need to.
I miss my friends.

Hmm. I hate my dependency on people. I am so incredibly dependent on them, and they are so very unaware.

Oh! I could tell you about my thing that I wrote the other day. If I can find it.
It's called War. Or something... Yeah. Lets name it War. So here we are:

War.

Two children in the sandbox,
Building their own little worlds.
Cooperating with eachtoher, sharing.
Toy dinosaurs reside here,
Along with small plastic animals.
One child finds a shell,
Places it atop his castle.
The other child marvels at it, wants it.
"Give me, give me!" He shouts.
"No!!!!"
He stands up, feeling big and tall
compared to the sand cities.
He walks through the other boy's city,
Walking right over the structures.
Sand flows from beneath his feet,
covering the plastic creatures.
Destroying their homes.
The boy picks up his prize,
crumbling the castle to the ground.
He seems unaware of the damage he's caused,
he is happy and proud, he's got the trophy.
He turns to place it in his city,
on the tallest building, proud.
He turns to see only odd piles of sand remain,
and a little boy, with a look of acopmlishment there.
Piles of sand; ruble and buried toys.
That was all that was left of their worlds.
Destrution and corruption.
Greed and revenge.
The parents intervine, but always too late.
They preach discussion over violence.
But they do not pratice what they preach.
How will we ever learn?

Ah so. Yeah. The ending is a bit.... eh. Well the whole thing is, but the end is more so. Haha.

Goodnight. This is getting too long.
Spread the smiles. :D
I'm trying I'm trying, is that worth nothing to you?

This is a land of dreams.

Lovely lovely lovely. Why do I not live here?
Today my grandma took my brother and I to a lake. And he swam. And I took photos.
Then we went home and had lunch.
My grandma and stepgrandpa wanted to go on a walk. So we went. And we were walking for like 4 hours. Picking mushrooms, finding frogs, taking pictures, deep in the forests of sweden. And it was slightly raining off and on.
Then we came home and had dinner. During which it started to rain like crazy. So my brother and I went on another walk. And yepp! It was lovely. :D
Many people might find wandering around in forests full of mushrooms and moss would be icky, but it is the most wonderful thing I have ever done. :D
It's peaceful and beautiful and cool and interesting and exciting. All in one!

Ha... So anyways. I head home in about a week. :/ And then school starts 3 days later.
And I still have mounds off summer homework to do... But I'll let it be. It'll all work out.
Hopefully. Haha

So... Yeah. I am going to go now. When I get back I'll try and write about how I've been feeling and such. :) I guess.
Haha. Goodbye!
Spread the smiles. :D
Don't give up, not yet.

Don't bother with me, it's not worth it.

Unwilling to change.
Wanting the unhappiness.
Desperate for pity.
Unaccepting of help.

Hmmm.

Today was quite lovely.
First we went to Borås. Which is an adorable little town. Well... not so little. Haha the one I'm staying in is much smaller. But it's not big. It's cute. I like it there. We just went shopping a little. By we, I mean my brother and I. I got 2 more pairs of shoes. :D I have an unhealthy obsession. But it's not as bad as my mothers... So... Yepp. Haha. And my brother bought a CD.
Then we headed back to Skene and my brother and I went on a little walk down the center street and I took a few pictures and things. And then we went back and had dinner. And then we went on another walk and got ice cream and played on a playground. :)
I really wish I lived here. It's so lovely. Everywhere.

Tomorrow we are going on a walk all day in a lovely forest and we're bring coffee and bullar (little cinnamon roll things.) Yum.

School is making me stressed. Everyone already has their schedule... I won't get mine till the day before school and I'm switching like 4 of my classes so I won't ever know really what my schedule is untill maybe the end of the first week of school... Bleh. And I have so much to do before... the 3 days I'm home before school will be filled with homework. Lots of it.

Ah goodnight.
Spread the smiles.
Distract me from the crumbling walls. Paint them with flowers and trees and wonderful clouds. Hurry quick, before I catch on.

Let us hold hands and pretend we never existed.

I never ever want to go home. But I could never focus in a place with such lovely surroundings... But then again, why do I need to focus?

School stresses me out way to much. It starts so soon!! Which is really bad. Way to soon! I don't like being worried. Stupid school...

Hmm. Today, I went on a walk into the forest. It's always so wonderful! And then I went down to the lake with my brother and then we walked back. :) And now I'm just waiting for dinner to be done.

So. I'm going to share with you a story that I wrote in the fall/winter of last year. :) Because I don't really know what else to write. I must warn you, it is kind of long...

One day in the forest, a little boy, Kyle, and his big brother, Erik, were playing tag. Erik was chasing Kyle, and one of them accidently stepped on, and smashed a mushroom while playing their game. The boys didn’t even notice, and kept playing burning all their excessive energy, that they had gained while locked up at school all day. When the sun began to set, their mother called from the edge of the forest, telling them to come home for dinner. They hurried off home, as to not make their mother mad, leaving the smashed mushroom right in the middle of the path.

Later in the evening, the friends of the unfortunate mushroom, the one who had been smashed during the day, decided that the mushrooms of the forest needed to have a meeting. When darkness fell, all the mushrooms met up in their secret cottage by the big willow tree, where meetings were held. They discussed the lack of appreciation they had received from the two boys that day, and from many time before, and decided that they were going to plan a week for mushroom appreciation. The mushroom leader, Caption Sir Joseph of Chanterelles, went up to the front of the crowd and started to speak,
"I, as the leader of our civilization, must say that I am terribly appalled by the act of those two young boys, and the constant lack of appreciation for us mushrooms. And I think that we very much need to have this week of Appreciation. But because it is very late and some of you have children to put to bed, I shall make this meeting short. We'll continue later planning the week of appreciation"
The mushrooms all clapped and cheered, everyone loved him; he was the best leader they'd ever had. Caption Sir Joseph continued,
"Tomorrow when the boys come to our forest, they will find a million mushrooms where they usually play; mushrooms of every color. They will be too amazed to step on you and will turn around. Don't fear, I know this will work."
The crowed started to hope, but also fear, and he continued,
"And tomorrow we will meet at 14:00, here in the village to continue panning the upcoming week."
The mushrooms left after that. Sir Joseph walked to the river to think and come up with more ideas for the Mushroom Appreciation Week.

The next day the two young boys, Erik and Kyle, came to the forest again to play tag, but when they got to the place where they played every day, a crowd of new mushrooms had grown overnight. They were everywhere! The boys couldn’t take even one step without smashing a mushroom. The two boys were amazed; the mushrooms were the prettiest mushrooms they had ever seen, all colors and designs and sizes and shapes! They’d feel awful if they killed even just one of these incredible mushrooms. They decided to go play in a different place. Kyle was very sad they couldn’t play in their favorite spot but Erik told him it was for the better, and the game wouldn’t be any less fun. They would find a much better place Erik told Kyle while they walked towards the edge of the forest. As the boys left the mushrooms were filled with relief, because they weren’t confident that the boys would care enough to not step on them.

Later at 14:00, the mushrooms were gathering by the secret willow village. One mushroom named Annika, she was the prettiest of all, came to the meeting in tears. She was a very tall mushroom, with a perfectly round, pearly white stem, and a deep redish purple color flawlessly painted on her cap, but now she was drooping with sadness. No one knew why she was crying and she couldn’t get the words to speak. All the mushrooms feared that something awful had happened, they didn’t know what though, and anxiety grew within them. Finally, the tallest mushroom, Pelle came to assist. He was the same type as Annika, only slightly taller, his cap was a brownish red, and his stem was dirtied with mud. When he was close enough, he saw she had a brown wet leaf stuck to her perfectly colored cap. Pelle gladly plucked off the horrid leaf and she conjured up the confidence to tell her story.
"I was just hopping to our village, when..."
she took a breath and looked up into the trees,
"a squirrel threw down this big ugly leaf right onto my cap."
The other mushrooms were astounded at the rudeness of the squirrel, but they had never been the greatest friends with the squirrels. Annika, finally free of tears, told the group of mushrooms under the willow, that the week of Mushroom Appreciation was going to need to be much bigger than planned if they wanted to make any sort of impact on the outside world. She then suggested,
"We have to get the entire forest involved."
She looked hopeful at the big task in front of them. Sir Joseph hopped over to Annika and gave her a hug of comfort and then he looked over to Pelle and told him that is was very kind of him to help Annika with her issue. Joseph then looked to the whole crowd and said
"I think that what Annika has told us, is a very good point. We need the whole forest to know about how unappreciated we feel. For the next two days, I would be very glad if you all could go around and tell everyone about the Mushroom Appreciation Week."
The crowd gladly agreed to help raise awareness in the forest. Then Sir Joseph wished them good luck and hoped he too could tell as many creatures as possible. For the next two days, the mushrooms hopped around the forest spreading the news about the upcoming event that was being planned.
By the river, under a beautiful weeping willow tree, lived a mushroom named Jacob of the Smoke-Mushroom. He was known by the mushrooms for two things; being an incredibly talented architect, and being very grumpy. He had built almost every single house in the town. Once he had a beautiful wife and two small children, but that was a long time ago before mushrooms lived in an organized society. His wife had died, and after that his kids left because they couldn’t stand to be around his misery. He was a very lonely angry man, and there was not one thing other then architecture that he could be content with. He thought it was very stupid of the mushrooms to be planning a week for mushroom appreciation.
"No one cares about stupid mushrooms! We are so insignificant; it’s so stupid the Sir Joseph and the rest of them think that it’s going to change anything,"
Jacob thought to himself out loud. Outside of his house, a few little mushrooms were playing Leap Mushroom. They overheard his cynical thoughts and hopped quickly home to tell their parents.

"Mama! Mama!"
cried one of the little mushrooms.
"Yes dear? Don’t shout so loud, you’ll harm your voice or my hearing,"
the mother replied, she was very busy telling everyone about the Mushroom Appreciation Week.
"Mama! You know that old man, who builds everyone’s houses? He was saying that mushrooms are stupid and that this isn’t gonna help! Mama! That’s bad..."
the child looked very worried, and the mother knew it wasn’t good, but Jacob wouldn’t cause too much trouble... at least she hopped...

When Caption Sir Joseph of Chanterelles heard of the news he knew it was serious, and something needed to be done very quickly. It was his best friend, Peter of Chanterelles, who had told him Joseph recalled the conversation.
"Hi umm... Joseph, something is happening. Something very bad."
Peter, his best friend, said nervously.
"Peter! Tell me!"
he had said rather annoyed, he didn’t have time for Peters habit to avoid bad news. Peter quickly spat out the words,
"Well... it’s the squirrels. They want to put a stop to our planning. They’ve gathered a huge group and they are planning and killing you! And anyone who won’t follow their lead!"
Joseph had known that the squirrels wouldn’t be happy, but he didn’t think they’d be so drastic. Joseph called an emergency meeting, even though not everyone would hear of the news, he needed to do something quick.

When the emergency meeting began, there was not one happy face. All were full of worry. The news of the squirrel mob had spread quickly, like a wild fire in the dry summer. Joseph went to the front of the group and told them that they could not try to put up a fight, the squirrels were too strong.
"Grab all the valuables and hide," he told them.
He knew that many of them would be angry to hear his coward act, but he also knew they didn’t stand a chance. He quickly ended the meeting and tried to help everyone hide.
It was just after sunset when the squirrels finally left. Many bodies of mushrooms could be seen on the pathways. Peter and his family were helping all those injured and telling the others it was safe to come out. Never before in the history of mushrooms had such a massacre occurred. Jacob came into the city for the first time on his own accord. Everywhere he saw his work trampled, all the houses he had built were broken. Perhaps only a few remained. But he was more concerned about his two kids. He hadn’t spoken to them in years but when he heard of the attack he felt a very strong need to see them and make sure they were alive. He knew where they lived because he had built the houses many years ago for them. When he got to the place where they both lived he thought they must’ve died. Nothing but squirrel footprints was left. He was devastated and he sat down right where he had never been to visit and cried.

A small group of mushrooms had gathered at the center of the city. Peter told everyone who was capable to try to find others in need, report those who didn’t make it to his wife (who was recording the deaths), and take those injured to his children, who were studying to become doctors. No one was happy, they all just looked around them seeing faces they had seen before in the store or as children or somewhere in the town, laying lifeless on the ground. They all knew they had to pull it together nevertheless.

Around the time of sunrise, 53 mushrooms had been declared dead, 73 injured, and 47 missing. Peter’s family had gotten help from many of the other doctors that were okay and basically all the people who weren’t hurt were trying to help out as well. During all this craziness, no one had seen Caption Sir Joseph. Peter was very worried that the squirrels had succeeded in their plan to kill him, but he knew he had to keep calm and do what his best friend would have done if he hasn’t missing. Peter decided to hold a meeting at midday, until then he would try to get the word out about the meeting and search for Joseph.

By noon, Peter still hadn’t found Sir Joseph, and Peter was worrying more than he had ever before. The Mushroom Appreciation Week was not going to happen if things kept going the way they were. Everyone was worried. Everyone knew someone who had either gone missing, was seriously injured, or had died. Jacob, who was looking for his children heard about the meeting and decided to show up in case they might be there. When he got there he noticed how few people were there, but most of all he noticed that Peter was speaking, not Caption Sir Joseph. He knew something must be up; Peter had spoken before to the Mushrooms, but never after a disaster and never without Sir Joseph right next to him. Even though Jacob didn’t like Sir Joseph he knew that he was needed and could help, otherwise chaos would break out. Jacob was known in the town, and generally well-respected. When he stood up next to Peter in front of the crowd and whispered, the crowd grew with curiosity. Peter was telling the mushrooms about all the missing, injured, and dead mushrooms, and to report to his family if they found anyone else, when Jacob walked up to him and whispered in his ear,
"Where is Caption Sir Joseph?"
Peter knew that he couldn’t hide his worries from Jacob, but he had to try to look calm for the rest of the mushrooms who were already worried enough.

Peter and Jacob met at Jacob’s home, which was still intact because he lived far away from the city. Jacob told Peter that he would try to help him until they knew what happened to Sir Joseph, if he would help him find his children. Jacob said,
"If you find either; Anna of Smoke-Mushrooms, or Sam of Smoke-Mushrooms, please tell me. They are my kids, and even though I haven’t seen them for a long time, I need to know they are okay, and help them through this. I want to try to be a good father to them."
Peter recognized one of the names, Anna. He has seen it on one of the lists, but he didn’t want to worry or upset Jacob so he replied with,
"Okay, of course. I will help you and you can help me. Now I will go check the lists for that name and ask anyone who might know how to find them."
With that Peter left and said as he was leaving that he would be back by sunset to tell his results.

Just before sunset a knock came on Jacob’s door. He opened to meet Peter. Peter then told him that his daughter Anna was on the list of the injured, but his son was not on any list. It had been 24 hours since the attack, so Jacob knew it was a small chance that Sam would be added to one of the lists. He hoped Sam was just fine, and he just didn’t think that his father would care. Peter said Anna was at the center town hospital, and that he would go with Jacob to find her. When they reached the hospital they found Anna almost immediately. She wasn’t as bad as some, and she was going to be fine, but she would have to stay at the hospital for a while. Jacob asked one of Peter’s sons when Anna would be able to leave, the boy replied,
"Your daughter Anna should be able to leave by tomorrow afternoon, Jacob."
He was very glad to hear this and he told his daughter that he would come meet her tomorrow afternoon and she could stay at his house since hers was no longer intact.

When Caption Sir Joseph of Chanterelles was helping all those before the attack, he was taken by one of the squirrels. His first thought was, ‘I’m going to die.’ The squirrel picked him up and ran off, Joseph hit his head when the squirrel picked him up and blacked out. When Joseph woke up, he was on top of a tree surrounded by angry looking squirrels. Joseph looked for ways to escape but he could see none that would work. He then asked the squirrels why they’d taken him, one of them said,
"We do not approve of you mushrooms parading around the forest asking for appreciation when you don’t give anyone else any appreciation... You grow on our trees and kill them so we don’t have any homes! How dare you ask for appreciation!"
Joseph had never known that the squirrels felt this way; he knew they didn’t like mushrooms but he never knew why. He felt awful for being so selfish as to not think of how the squirrels felt. Jacob said in a forgiving tone,
"I’m so sorry that you feel this way. I never knew you had homes in those trees. I’m very sorry; this seems to be just a big misunderstanding."
The same squirrel that had spoken before, now spoke with less harshness,
"I’m not sure I believe you, but I think we can work something out. We will declare a few of our trees for you to grow on, if you don’t take any other trees. If you do kill a tree without permission we will attack, otherwise maybe we can become friends."
Joseph was relieved,
"Yes, of course. I would love to have a new friendship with the squirrels. Would you please take me back to my home, and I will sort everything out?"
One of the squirrels nodded, then picked him up and ran down the tree, headed to the mushroom city....
THE END!

Haha... Yay. :)
One day, if I ever get around to it I'll draw pictures to go along with it!

Anyways. Goodbye.
Spread the smiles.
Let the earth fix your broken soul, or let it strengthen your heart.

And the dreams keep going, but with no color and no light.

School starts so soon! Ugh. :(
I'm so not ready.
I have so much to do still... Yucky yuck yuck!
I really don't like school. I can learn on my own, thank you very much.
And about things I actually find worth while.
Oh well... I guess...

I'm back with my grandma. My cousins are so tall... They make me feel incredibly short. Not cool. Haha
I went shopping today and got a jacket and a bag. :D
I have about 9 days or something left here. :( So little... But I do want to get home. I can focus better there on homework. Not that 3 days is a very good amount to do like 3 months worth of stuff, but I have started.... Haha... I'm such a procrastinator. It's a little bit bad...
And I miss people a lot. But eh... I hate this. I miss them. But I miss them before I left. I miss how things were long ago. Oh well....

How I wish I grew up here. It's everything I want. And I know if I grew up here I probably wouldn't think so... But maybe if I could like relive my life and still have the thoughts I have now... This feeling I guess of how perfect things would be.
Haha. I would have traveled throughout europe. I'd have traveled all over also. I'd have all the lovely clothes I want; yes I am quite materialistic, but I love swedish style! It's so cute! I'd speak swedish and english and probably some other language as well as I speak spanish. I'd live near this endless fantastic forest. And the rain, so much rain! And the list goes on and on. Full of completely shallow and such things. :)

Ha... Anyways. Hmm. I think I'll be leaving now.
I'm sorry my posts have been rather boring.
Goodnight.
Spread the smiles.
Sorry, I never even gave you a chance. I should have warned you sooner.

Time and time agian.

This is lovely. There is supposed to be a picture with but I can't figure out anything with swedish writing.... So. Yeah. Haha. I thought I'd just say it. :D

The Rules are:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.
2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.
4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.
5. If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
7. Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.

Ah, today has been nice. :) I went biking. Beautiful in the forest. I want to live here damnit. Then we went to play minigolf and soon I am going with my cousin and he's going to have a call of duty party... Haha... God. It'll be fun?
Anyways. Bye bye!
I love you.

Tell me it's a dream.

I'm not everything you need me to be.
I won't try to change, and I'm sorry for that.
Because you are enough for me.
It's selfish of me to not try to make it work, but honestly I just want someone to think I'm not insane. Not crazy. Not so goddamn imperfect. Or incompetent. Or whatever.
Actually, think I'm insane or crazy, or whatever. But don't try to fix me. I'm so tired of people wanting to fix me.
"You're wonderful," "You're amazing," "but I wish you could...," "I just want you to..."
I don't need anyone to say they love me. I've heard it enough. It doesn't mean anything. Just makes me hope for what I'd like. Then I know I won't get it. And then I just feel foolish, and tell myself there is something horribly wrong with me.

Well...
Today we picked up my brother. He can speak maybe 10 words of swedish now. Haha... :)
But he seems to understand a little more...
Mostly just sat in the car for a long time driving...

I have been reading. Twilight. Bleh... So annoying... haha but better than what need to read for school.

Ah... Good bye!

Somebody fix my heart and soul.

Into the universe and then back out.

Back in Sweden!
:)
Budapest was wonderful.
And we spent a day in Vienna.
Ah. I'll tell you about my trip I suppose...
Haha... Uhm. I never do this... People complain about it. But I don't because I'm really horrible at explaining things and such.

This first day we spent most of our time walking around near the Donau river.
Just getting a feel for the city.

The next day, Sunday, everything was closed pretty much. But we wandered around. I think we went to this place on the other side of the river this day. It was at the top of a hill and you could see like the whole city. Which was beautiful. And there was this little shop with pretty things and my grandma and I each bought a necklace. :D
And when we walked down we went on this cute little trail and ended up next to a waterfall. :) And then we went to this wonderful green bridge. :D But when we got to the other side we were slightly lost. Haha...

Monday: This day we went and saw the castle and looked at some churches. I wish churches at home would be so pretty... Uhm. Then we wandered through the city some more. And fun stuff.

Tuesday: Shopping day. :) Haha I got 3 pairs of shoes. And my grandma got 2 and a skirt I think... Ah. We went to this lovely park also... :)

Wednesday: We spent the day in Vienna. :D Which was lovely. We got coffee and chocolate cakes in the morning. Yum. And then we wandered around the center of the city. And went to some of the "must see" places. One of which was a magnificent church. :) Haha... And then we went and walked along the Donau for a bit. Which the walls were covered in amazing graffiti. It was beautiful. Then we went to dinner, and then took the latest train back to Budapest.

Thursday: This was our last day. We packed and then we went to a shopping area and I got a backpack and a shirt. And then we wandered the city some more. And then it was time to go!

Haha. So as you can probably tell, I really like churches/places for worship. Well... when they aren't at home. Even though I absolutely hate what they are all about... :)

Ah... I'm going to end this now.
Goodnight or day or whatever!