These zombies keep appearing; lifeless, souless zombies.

Today I got some last few things I want to take home.
Oh, I don't want to go home yet! It's too soon. Though I really wish I was home longer before school starts... Meh. Oh well.
I also went on a walk in the forest and found some lovely little mushrooms.

I don't feel so old. I feel like I belong somewhere else. Not high school.
It's odd.

Also I realized today that I often write about how I'm feeling or something, but rarely explain what brought it on. Hmmm. I guess I could work on that...

I was going to say something else but I seem to have forgotten it....

So. Yepp.

Today my brother got really mad at me. Well I got mad at him first. He doesn't fucking listen adn it's so irritating that he expects me to listen when he doesn't. Bleh. Haha he got mad and stormed back to the house. I kept going to the forest, where we were headed to look for mushrooms. I was so mad, more at myself than him. Yes he's an ass, but I really could be a lot nicer to him... And my mind just kept going to worse places and such.
And this isn't uncommon, I love to beat myself down. Well I don't, but yeah. Haha.
I think my mind is flawed. When I am the one who needs punishment, I must be punished triple the times of the potential pain I have caused. But when it's someone else, I must find I way to forgive them. If I can't, I am again the one at fault.
I don't really know where I'm going with this...

I have been wanting to drink so badly! And I can't get any alcohol here... Well none that won't be noticed if it's gone. And I know if I do, I'll not be very happy with myself... But sometimes I don't really care. Just want what I want, the consquences can be dealt with later.
Which is really STUPID. And I have gotten myself to do some really really really idiotic things. And I still can't forgive myself for many.
It seems I have no self control...
Haha. Jeeez.

Hmmm. So I am bored. Because it's to late to do anything really. And so I am going to just write about random things, that no one cares about!

So, I hate labels. And sterotypes that go with them. So annoying!! God. It's like I could say one thing to someone I know, and they'd stop talking to me. It's like really??? Really, you can't talk to me because of some silly little thing???
Like I know someone who won't talk to me because I don't have a religion. And someone else who doesn't like me, because of the part of the city I live in.
Just because I don't believe, I must be some dark and disturbed person.
Simply because I live in a fairly rich area, I must be a snob.
Because I like art, I must be a stoner.
Because I'm shy and quiet, I must be sad and lonely.
Because I have lesbian firends, I must be too.
Ah such stupid little things. So dumb! Talk to me, get to know me. Then you can say whatever the hell you think. But god, don't judge me on who I talk to, or how I do in school, or where I live, or what I believe.

Haha. What else. Hmmm... I have to many things to bring home... My bad is over the weight. I think...
4 whole days left here! I don't wanna go! No no no!
But I do... and I need to.
I miss my friends.

Hmm. I hate my dependency on people. I am so incredibly dependent on them, and they are so very unaware.

Oh! I could tell you about my thing that I wrote the other day. If I can find it.
It's called War. Or something... Yeah. Lets name it War. So here we are:

War.

Two children in the sandbox,
Building their own little worlds.
Cooperating with eachtoher, sharing.
Toy dinosaurs reside here,
Along with small plastic animals.
One child finds a shell,
Places it atop his castle.
The other child marvels at it, wants it.
"Give me, give me!" He shouts.
"No!!!!"
He stands up, feeling big and tall
compared to the sand cities.
He walks through the other boy's city,
Walking right over the structures.
Sand flows from beneath his feet,
covering the plastic creatures.
Destroying their homes.
The boy picks up his prize,
crumbling the castle to the ground.
He seems unaware of the damage he's caused,
he is happy and proud, he's got the trophy.
He turns to place it in his city,
on the tallest building, proud.
He turns to see only odd piles of sand remain,
and a little boy, with a look of acopmlishment there.
Piles of sand; ruble and buried toys.
That was all that was left of their worlds.
Destrution and corruption.
Greed and revenge.
The parents intervine, but always too late.
They preach discussion over violence.
But they do not pratice what they preach.
How will we ever learn?

Ah so. Yeah. The ending is a bit.... eh. Well the whole thing is, but the end is more so. Haha.

Goodnight. This is getting too long.
Spread the smiles. :D
I'm trying I'm trying, is that worth nothing to you?