One day we'll all have to learn to grow up.

People always meet the conclusion that I am the one at fault.
I am the broken one.
I am the corrupt one.
I am the problem.
I'm the one with the cold, horrid face.
I am the monster hiding in the shadows, just waiting for the perfect moment.
I am the one who cannot feel, and who does not care.
This is what people come to think.
This is what they say, when I let them close.
This is all they see.
They don't see that I have hope for them, that I love them, that I need them.
They don't see past my defense.
They don't see past the protection.
They don't understand.
I don't want them to see me struggle or fear or hurt.
Why is the better of me, not good enough?
Why do people assume the worse of me will be good enough?
I know it isn't.
Why won't people just take what I give them, not fight for more?
I can't give you more. It hurts. I don't want you to see me hurt.
I don't want to rely on you, because it's stupid. And I always expect the worse.
Though, I do rely on you. But I can't let you know, because then you can watch me as I hurt.
And I can't let you see me hurt.

I've always been ashamed of hurting.
I've always been ashamed of needing someone. Someone to help.
I'm ashamed of anything that isn't considered good.

Hmmm. I do care. I always will. I just can't have you hurt me with it.
Good afternoon. :)
Spread the smiles. :D