Doubt.

I have way to much of it.
I don't want to doubt the things I do.
Somethings, yeah that's fine. I can doubt a lot and i won't care.
But I don't want to doubt these things...
No... I don't like it.

Hello.

It's so easy to pretend.
It's so easy to lie.
Is it bad that I think so?
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel bad when I do.
And it helps me prove to myself that I am not a very worthy person.
But I'm okay with being a bad person as long as no one knows. As long as it only effects me.
And by only effects me, I mean it can effect other people, but not if it will hurt them. When I hurt them, then I feel terrible. But if they don't know, and never do know, and I never hurt them, only myself, I will go for it.
I know... I'm kind of terrible.
I don't mean to hurt anyone, I mean to protect them.
I don't want to let people in, there is like a 90% chance I will hurt them. It's not worth it.
I know. Some hurt is healthy for us... But I don't need to be the reason... Someone else will hurt them. Its bound to happen.

Okay... Now more on the topic!
haha

All people doubt.
It's a good thing.
To an extent at least.
We need to be at least a little prepared for things to not be as they seem. You know?
I'm used to doubting nearly everything.
But about other people.
Usually I know when I am lying to myself. When I am truly fucking up.
I usually can tell things about myself.
But doubt is coming after me.
I'm questioning.
All kinds of things.
I guess I always have doubted and wondered about them, but I just accepted not know to be okay.
Now I want to know though.
But I won't tell what these things are.
I don't know why...
I guess I just feel silly for it.
It doesn't matter.
I don't need to know...
Right?
Maybe... I don't know.
...

New subject! I shall tell you about my day? Okay!
Last night sucked.
I was up till 10, which is pretty early if you ask me.
Then just before 12 I woke up. Decided to finish a little more homework.
Told myself I had make my self sleep before 2.
At 3, I gave up. Decided to watch some tv. At 4, I fell asleep and slept for 2 more hours.
4 hours is actually a very good amount for me. But i'd rather they be in a row...
Then I didn't go to first because I needed to finish homework. I wish everyday I didn't have to go to school till 9. It's so nice. Then in 2nd we played battleship. Then 3rd I took a roll of film and my photo teacher asked if I wanted to go to an art show on friday. I'm excited! haha then in Spanish (4th) finished writing our murder mystery stories. :) It was a good day.

Okay. Goodnight.
SPREAD THE SMILES. I didn't say it last time. So this time spread extra smiles. And stuff. :D