Sometimes we find ourselves in some horrible imaginary world, sometimes it's not so horrible.

Heya.

Back when I was not really alright,
I used to believe I would never get out of the hopeless and helpless feelings I had.
Leading to and helping me believe that I was utterly worthless.
I thought I could not and would not ever shake off those feelings that surrounded me.
But I didn't think I deserved to feel any different either.
I thought that once a person reaches a certain point, they can not recover.
And I still do think so. You cannot recover from death. And some things as such.
But these are all somewhat abstract things. So I don't really know. Can someone hurt themselves so much, without reason, that they cannot recover?
Yeah... They can. I guess.
Anyways, I thought I was stuck. Forever. Till I would end up killing myself.
I thought people only could get out of such an emotional mess, if they lived in some kind of story, or got beaten on the head in such a way that they would no longer have the ability to think, or if they were to die.

Now I wonder if I have proven myself wrong.
Or if I have just been stuck... in some kind of story, so to speak.

Yes, I am happier.
But kind of in a sad way...
I have lost the sense of helplessness.
But I feel as if there are people in much more need, (and there are, quite a few, quite a lot) and so I should help myself. And I should be able to. I'm not in any kind of need of help compared to many.
And I have not lost the sense of hopelessness, but I have decided to deal with it. For the better. I don't want to be constantly disappointed when my hopes turn out another way.
And as for the worthlessness, I feel is rather unimportant. I am insignificant. Very insignificant. But I know that drastic actions would effect people. And as I've said before, I don't think it's my place to make another feel bad or mad or sad or whatever, and so such actions cannot be done.
So I am happier.
And I don't want to die like I had. I do enjoy life, although I don't think death would be so bad either.
Ha I don't know. I may totally insane.

I still feel as if it is a temporary high.
As if I will fall back to my previous state.
And if that is the case, I'll be sure to hide it best I can, like I did before.

Ha soo... Anyways.
I went to school today.
But I sound funny. :/ haha
Oh well.

Oh. I might have 2 A's this term. :)
It so sad. hahah that I'm smiling about 2 A's...
Oh well. I'm not really okay with my pretty much straight B's but I'll live.
My mother I'm more worried about though... She's going to freak...

Uhm.. Anything else?
I have like 30 books in my room. That I want to read.
And a list of like 100 more.
And each day the list grows...
hahah I don't have time to read them all.

Okay. Ha I'm done rambling. Goooooooodnight.
Spread the smiles. :D
Try to not be so negative. It does bad things to the people around you. And yeah... I'm aware that I'm being hypocritical. Sorry!
Be happy!
Make others happy!
Smile!
Live!
Laugh!
Discover!
Idk... hahah
Spread the smiles. Again and again and again and AGAIN. :D
:D