Control.

Try to fix.
Fail.

Hello....
:)

Today in english, we had to do this writing exercise.
We had to write words, nothing more, just one word per line, about our lifetime. We couldn't stop to think just write any word that came to mind.
I realized how self-concise I am. Even though no one had to see the list, I would not allow myself to write down many of the words that came to mind. Even if many of the words were not even bad, I just am terrified of people knowing what I think. Or something.
I'm scared of people analyzing me like I analyze people.
I'm scared of what they will find.
There isn't anything really I guess. I don't even know I guess.
I'm so scared....

What else....
So I can't breath. :(
It's been incredibly windy all week, and because people are stupid and like to tear down mountains and make piles of dirt, all that dirt has blown into the sky.
There is SOO much dust in the air.
It hurts my eyes.
And every 3 minutes I cough.
It's ridiculous.

Also.
I have decided that if people are going to drink and smoke,
it's okay.
If it's rare. And if it doesn't change the person.
So many people start that kind of stuff saying, "oh it'll be a few times a year..."
And it's not true.
Then it starts to be monthly,
weekly,
and eventually daily.
And by then the person they were, is gone and they only want to smoke and drink and try new things.
I miss my friends.... :/
And I know, I don't have much right to say it...
Tell me please if you think I'm changing..

I have been debating a lot in my head about alcohol and other substances.
And I think it's okay once in a while. Well drinking and pot/such. Not like acid or worse.
But drinking once or twice every few months is alright, same for smoking.
It just bothers me and makes me sad when it causes people to change and not care about much other then being drunk or high.
:(
Yes... I'm being a total hypocrite with the drinking.
I drink more than I think is okay.
And it's scaring me. And so I have been staying away from it because of that.

Alrighty!
So... People suck.
There is this girl who thinks I hate her.
I don't. I don't know her.
There are a few things I think were stupid and mean,
But I only know one side of the story,
and besides I don't judge on a few little things before I get to know someone.
But when ever I see her, I'm so self-concise.
I don't want her to think I hate her.
But I don't want her to think I'm trying to be extra nice because I hate her.
Idk... I'm just weird...

Hmmm. :/
I feel like crap.
But it's my fault and I shouldn't complain about it.

Ha I have these non stop wars in my mind.
Is that selfish?
Is that reasonable?
Can I do this?
Is this a bad thing to do?
What is right?
Times a billion. Haha..

I fail all my tests of being a good/worthy person.

So... even though this is getting long, I feel like boring you to death.
:D

So. I dislike when people have the inability to try to understand others. Or at least just even if they don't understand it just let it go...

Or when they think they are so right... When they aren't.

Okay.... So I suddenly lost my want to write.
People are making me sad....
Making me feel selfish for thinking these selfish thoughts.
I must go beat myself back into the ground. :)
haha

Goooooodbye.
I bet you guys all care a lot about what I write. hahaha
Not really.
Spread the smiles. :)
Don't breath this city's air today or yesterday and probably tomorrow. OKAY? okay.