Amplify the sounds.

Before it all comes down.
Before the chance is missed.

Hmm...
To fall in love with me, would be an awful thing to do.
I'm never satisfied.
You'd never be good enough.
No matter who you are.
I'd always find something wrong.
I'd always make you feel incompetent.
I should just warn people.
Tattoo it on my forehead to stay away.
I'll do no good for you, and even if you help a lot, it'll never be enough.
I'm just a pathetic, selfish, stupid, impulsive, psychotic, whiny, self-pitying, idiot.
That's really how it is.
I'd be happy for a day, or maybe even a month, but then I'd reach my limit and return to building up my wall.
NO ONE ALLOWED.
I know the curiosity will try to tempt you, but honestly, don't let it.
Don't let it for the fucking life of you.
I'll take your hard work and smash it on the ground.
Every single time.
Once you feel accepted, I'll throw you out.
I'll never give you a reason.
If you find the truth, you'll never be let back in.
You'll regret it.

This is what I've decided.
:)

When people talk shit about others,
then the others find out,
they'll say something like,
"Don't listen to them, they don't know shit. If you want the truth talk to me."
Idk. Ha I think people shouldn't trust what ANYONE says. Only yourself.
Don't trust what people say about themselves or what people say about others.

Ah I dunno what I'm talking about.
So... What have I been up to?
Last weekend I spent all my time with friends. No alone time.
This weekend I did the same.
Till today. I was supposed do my homework...
Ah that never works out as I like.

I feel so alone.
And I wish I had someone to blame.
But it all comes down on me.
I'm the one pushing people away...
I'm the problem.
I'm the only one standing in the way of everything I want. Everything I need.
Why won't I just fucking get out of the way?
Why do I wish this upon myself?
Is there something greatly wrong with my little brain?
Ah I don't know.

I'm fine as long as I don't feel like I used to.
When or if that happens again, I will be endangered.
So I'm fine.

Sometimes I feel so helpless.
There is nothing I can do.
Nothing I can do to help.
Nothing.

Ah well now I'm going to do my homework. I have gotten really bad at that. Good thing school is almost over.
So. Goodnight.
Spread the smiles, help someone out.