Rotten and unwanted.

I just want to talk to you,
but you seem to think I am some nasty germ they just doesn't understand.
I took all my courage and said what I felt I had to, and I asked for the answer that would solve all my confusion.
But you said nothing in return.
So I just said goodbye.
I guess that's what I did to you also...
You asked the question and I responded with nothing.
A mixed jumble of nothing.
I'm sorry. I knew the answer very well.
I just didn't know how to say it.
And I hate myself forever for that. I hate myself so goddamn much because I couldn't say a little word. One little word that would solve all your confusion.
I tried to show it without words, but you couldn't understand. No one but me.
In your eyes am I so unwanted?
No feelings are involved now, I just want to solve the mysteries of the past.
So that maybe I can forgive myself.
:(

I really need to clean my room. It's a mess.
I also really need to do my homework.

I really just want to talk to someone.
Someone that I could trust would be there for more then a month or so.
Why can't I trust people?
One little lie and that's it. Forever.
I'll pretend, but it's not the same.
And I can't blame that person.
I have to blame myself.
Because it's my problem.
Yes they lied, but I should be able to forgive and forget.
Instead I just pretend.
Because I'm ashamed that I can't forgive and forget.
So damn ashamed.
I don't do anything right...

Hmm... Well. Goodnight.
Spread the smiles...