And sometimes you just have to let go, and fall.

I really do not like you.

So. I'll just tell you what I've been up to this weekend.
Friday, I did nothing. Looked up different medicine stuff. How much does what, how much kills.
Today, homework all day till the evening. My friend came over and we chilled and watched America's Next Top Model.
Tomorrow, I'm hanging out with a friend. The only one that I'm kind of close to and doesn't make me feel bad about myself. We're going to the movies and taking pictures in this creepy ally. I won't go alone, so I'm making her join me. :D

When I was younger, I was filled with so much rage. It started at about 8 or 9. When I discovered what an awful friend my best friend was. Before then I was so happy and cheerful and tried my best to help anyone in need. I was so perfect, I guess. But then 8 came, and I was so mad. Just so fucking angry with everything. Then around 11 or 12 it started to fade, replaced with sorrow. And since I've come to such a loss as to how one can hate anything so much. I have some things I greatly dislike but very few that I'd call hate. But I feel my rage growing. Completely unreasonable rage to. Actually. When I was 11 or so, I turned the hate to myself. And that seems reasonable, but lately I've been putting it elsewhere. For no reason. I haven't bursted yet, but in my head rather than hate myself I've turned it to others.
I guess I'm just trying to say, that I'm terrified of turning into that person again.
It goes against everything I believe in. Everything I try to be true to.

Hmmm...
I'm so over this.
People are so fucking stupid.
UGHHHHHHHHH.
I hate it.
Because I know I'm wrong. But it still bothers the fucking hell out of me.
I CANNOT STAND IT.
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough.
Makes me feel so goddamn useless.
But that's my fault.
It's my fault for thinking that.
I should just be happy for you.
I should just not care so much.
Especially when it's stupid fucking insignificant things that don't matter at all!
So it's my fault.
Get happier and happier, and farther and farther away from this dreadful place.
Oh I don't blame you.
I'm the only one who sees this invisible devil underneath the surface.
If I'm the only one, I must be wrong.
But I don't want to be wrong. I'm always wrong.
That's all there is.
Everything I am is wrong.
People say.
Or they say, I'm right, they just don't care. Or they just think it's easier otherwise.
It's like I've been brainwashed to believe that I'm wrong.
I believe it.
I believe that there is something horribly wrong in my head.
But not wrong enough.
Not wrong enough for people to care, or for it to need to be fixed.
Never enough....
Never fucking enough.

Well... I dunno. I'm just being stupid.
Goodnight.