Poison.

How can what keeps me alive, feel like such a villain?
How can it be that what tortures me, is supposed to be in my control?
How is it that I can argue with myself so long, and over and over, when I know there is no solution?
Why am I such poison to myself?
Meh...

You seem so distant and far away.
Can I wrongly blame what I hate, so I can hate you, for making such a choice?
Can't I just be mad?
I'm mad at you.
How could you do such a stupid thing?
How can you hurt me so much?
So willingly, and openly?

But. Then I know...
It isn't you.
You don't know it hurts me.
You don't know what I think.
And besides, it's your choice, not mine.

I just wish you could come to the same conclusions.
I wish you could see through my disguise.
And it's stupid, I know.
I should just take off the mask.
But that's not the point...
I don't want to pull you along.
I want you to just meet me here.
But you can't.
And I'm sorry, for ever expecting so much.
It's cruel and stupid.

I am cruel and stupid.
And selfish.
And harmful.
And I don't listen.
And I won't help.
And I make things difficult.
I run when you get close.
And scream when you are far.
I don't make sense.
And I'm so unreasonable.
Yet... How come you try?
How do you see any good at all?

I'm sorry.
I complain a lot.
It's annoying, I assume.
Well. Goodbye.